where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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