Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
