So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
