you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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