Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize