The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
