Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
