New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
