Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
