we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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