I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
