the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the liver wants what the liver wants
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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