I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
