Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
