oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
