I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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