I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
