My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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