3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
