it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
