hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So apparently I’m into choking now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
