He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The air was thick with penises
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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