Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
