So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
