Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
