Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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