he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
