She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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