he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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