I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
