hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
