How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
