Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
