Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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