You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
