I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
