she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
