Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
