I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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