..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
