"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
