So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
