no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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