I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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