I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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