I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
