i already hear my dad disowning me
I can text with my tongue
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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