hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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