All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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