you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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