Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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