I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
