you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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