I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
