Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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