I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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