VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
