what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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