she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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