then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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