so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
