are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize