There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
