and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
