I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
