And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
