Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
third nipple confirmed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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