Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
