he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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