I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
