Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
