Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
