well I can't set my house on fire every night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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