Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
