I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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