dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
