the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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