I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
