I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
