Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
