I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
