so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
