put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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