Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
