I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize