Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
