I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
